Monthly Archives: August 2013

Don’t judge me! (Unless you think I’m beautiful, then you can judge me!)

People will always judge you based on appearance. Like it or not, this is the truth. I judge, you judge, we all do it. That is why it is in every person’s interest to put his or her best face forward.

I work in the restaurant industry where I am dependent upon tips. First impressions literally influence the amount of money I make (clear, healthy skin and well-maintained nails = higher tips). My financial well-being is on line if I can’t sell myself along with the food. In general people are more forgiving to people who are attractive. If you look like you don’t care about yourself why would somebody else care about you? Subconsciously (or consciously), people think this.

Yes, personality counts—all the make-up in world won’t make an ugly heart beautiful—but most people will never know you and they will judge you anyway.

The good news is: we have control over how we present ourselves.

For both men and women the basics are simple:

  1. Even out your skin—illness is often accompanied by dry or oily skin and patchy complexions. For most people these issues can be resolved with a simple regimen of face washing and moisturizing (even oily skin needs to be moisturized!).Image
  2. Moisturize those janky lips—chapped lips are another sign of illness. Grab your favorite balm. If you don’t like color on your lips, no one can make you wear it, just go for a non-tinted product. For a home remedy: mix granulated sugar with Vaseline, apply with a soft tooth brush. Lightly exfoliate and rinse off with water. Presto: smooth, soft lips.
  3. Get rid of dark under eye circles and puffiness—an obvious sign of sleep deprivation. I love MAC’s Fast Response Eye Cream. It helps with dark circles and contains caffeine to shrink bags. If MAC isn’t in your budget there are numerous home remedies. Sliced, chilled cucumbers placed over the eyes feel great and will help shrink swelling. A cold spoon will have the same affect if you’re out of veggies.
  4. Clean fingernails—hands are always on display and are almost impossible to hide unless your job involves miming. A nail file and hand soap is all you really need. Clean dirt from under you nails and buff away jagged edges. Simple.
  5. Groom facial hair—this means pluck that unibrow (unless you are a famous Mexican painter like Frida Kahlo, you can’t get away with it). Men should keep their facial hair looking intentional; mangy beards are not sexy, they are lazy (sorry, Duck Dynasty, that’s how I feel about it). Ladies, this goes for us too. If you have a little ‘stache or hair on your chin or cheeks or neck, that doesn’t mean you’re less of a woman. It just means you have extra areas to maintain and groom.frida
  6. Teeth—brush them. Case closed.
  7. Body odor—ain’t nobody got time for that. Correction: EVERYBODY has time to control B.O. Carry deodorant with you if your must. The dollar store carries antiperspirant along with every single grocery store, Target, and WalMart. Use it!

IMHO, this is really the minimum. You don’t have to hide your features to present the best you. Work with what you have. You never know when you might meet somebody important or–gasp!–run into an ex. So let the world see you at your finest. Worst case scenario: you look and feel healthy and clean.

Have you ever had an experience where you felt like you were treated differently because of your appearance? Or do you know somebody who could benefit from additional grooming? Comment below and let me know!

P.S I might post my everyday make-up routine in the next blog—what do you think?


Simple things


Fashion Victim or Masochist: a Tale of Abuse

O! fashion. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

When I was a little girl I loved to play dress up. My sister and I had a large wicker basket that was almost as tall as I was. It was filled to the brim were dresses, hats and high heels, slips and even a faux fur stole. My Barbies also had a wicked collection of clothes for every occasion and occupation. As an adult I still have a fascination with clothing and accessories except now my interest has expanded to include make-up and an intensifying desire for hair extensions.

Part of me knows that my affection is a manifestation of advertising and pop culture and the American way of life (Capitalism, baby!). Shameful.

But the other, louder, selfish part of me wants a teal, jewel-encrusted ball gown similar to the one Shelley had (that was always the name of whichever Barbie had top billing in my afterschool hours), although I have never been to a ball and likely never will.

I also want this Valentino dress.


Or one of these from Dolce and Gabana:


Pipe dreams.

Nevermind the cost. That is not the foremost limitation.

Top designers refuse to accept or acknowledge that women exist outside of a size 10. Or if they do recognize us perhaps they simply agree with the CEO for Abercrombie and Fitch who, a few months back, said that he doesn’t want fat people in his stores or wearing his clothes because he wants his customers to feel like they are one of the “cool kids”.

Why, fashion, why? Don’t I love you enough? Didn’t I always tell you how beautiful you are? Why do you beckon to me like Sirens from billboards and magazines? And why do I torture myself watching runway shows on YouTube when I know that, unless I develop serious sewing skills, I can never wear you?

Because like a masochist in an abusive relationship, I keep coming back for more pain and humiliation. I am being super dramatic but I am really feeling some major feels about this.

Select retailers have caught on and have plus size options and even entire sections (how generous of me to describe a few racks as a whole section) of their stores devoted to tubby trend-oids. Yet fashion continues to belong to the svelt. Seeing plus size models—who in reality wear sizes 6 and 8—on the runway is cause for gasps and hearty slaps on the back, as if this is some kind of turning of the tides. I can go into Forever 21 and make my way over to the 10 square feet of fatshion but I still feel like a second class citizen in the fashion world. The black and white striped leggings and fab blazers that lured me into the store are not to be found in that dark, dank, little plus-size corner.

So now, in what some might call the prime of my life, I just want to play dress up like my Barbie-esque peers. Get a clue, Mark Jacobs, I would rock your frock!